QuaranTotally Losing It?!

It’s been a while since I’ve taken to the time to actually sit down and write, other than some recipe and craft posts. I love writing and sharing those, but when I can sit down and write from my soul about real feelings and what’s been on my heart, it feels so refreshing. I will say sometimes I even avoid writing because I don’t want to face my actual feelings? But like I said it’s SO refreshing and wholesome once I actually do it. What do you enjoy doing that just feels good for your soul? Anyways! I think it’s about time I’ve addressed the elephant in the room.

QUARANTINE. What day is it? How is everyone doing? What are you doing to stay busy? Honestly. Some days I feel like I’m doing better than I thought I would be at this point! But that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my breakdowns too. Unfortunately building our home had to be put on hold for almost the past two months, because of the stay-at-home order. We would probably be moving in this week or next week if it wasn’t for that, which is such a bummer. We are blessed to have our cabin to live in right now, but we have been getting some serious cabin fever lately. Good news though! They are allowed to get back to work this Thursday; THANK YOU LORD!

But just last week I felt like I was only going through the motions. Waking up, making the kids breakfast, working out, doing the laundry, nap time for Payton, etc. The list goes on. I felt like I finally hit a wall around Wednesday. As a mom, do you ever feel tired of feeling needed? I know I will miss it one day. But right now, being at home, and feeling a little trapped, I almost was “sick of feeling needed.” Someone needing a snack, or a diaper changed, or their work shirts washes, or dinner cooked, etc. Which sounds crazy to me when I type it out actually, because I absolutely love feeling needed at the same time? So confusing! Staying at home is getting to me.

I think any mom can feel totally burnt out, and this is exactly how I was feeling. I am SO thankful that my parents live next door. Carter is at that age where he can just run across the yard, (with me watching him), up my parents back deck to go into their house. Even though we don’t live with my parents, we see them every day and are always going back and forth from their house. I felt safe by still keeping them in our circle while social distancing, because we weren’t really going anywhere but each other’s homes when the virus stuff originally hit. Carter has spent time there when I’ve needed a moment to myself lately which has been SO needed. (Mom & Dad, you’re the real MVPs).

However, and not to sound ungrateful in any aspect, but this is my blog and it’s for my real feelings! As thankful and SO grateful as I am that my parents have helped with our kids lately. And yes I have gotten a little time to myself while Payton has napped too. I want time to myself out in public. I want to use that time to myself to go out and get my hair done, or go out to dinner, or shopping while feeling safe, or to get a massage, go to a yoga class; SOMETHING out of the house. I cherish that little bit of time I do have by myself, 100%. But I also feel trapped while I’m getting it right now? If that makes any sense. Anyways, I snapped last week. I swear I had like a stress ulcer in my abdomen built up! Thankfully a FaceTime with Nurse Alexis (my best friend lol) helped me feel a little better. But also after a good cry and talking with Jeff, I felt like I could keep on keeping on. Sometimes I try and talk myself out of the feelings that I’m having just so I don’t have to deal with them. But that can make things even worse once they build up and get to be too much for me. We all hit that wall sometimes, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you take the time to talk with someone about it, no matter who that may be. It really does wonders once you actually talk it out, and see what you could do to make things feel better.

I’ve been trying to do fun things with both kids when I can (inside the house of course), but it gets pretty exhausting. So we switched it up. Yesterday we had a Backstreet Boys dance party, and it was amazing LOL. Carter loves to dance and spin around. And before there are any judgements on the Backstreet Boys music, I grew up on them. Okay maybe that’s an overstatement, but I went to my first BSB concert when I was in the third grade, so yes, pretty much grew up on them! It was so fun. I’ve read several lists of how to get out of the quarantine funk. Many of them listed having a little dance party with yourself, or blaring some music. While I miss the typical 3:00am dance parties with my best friends when we are all together, a noon dance party with my kids did just the trick today.

Another thing that has kept my mind and body busy, is keeping my nutrition up. I think when you have good nutrition, it can help emotionally as well. This is mainly why I keep up with it! When I eat better, I feel better, and I feel more capable to take on the unknown of our current days. I’ve had fun mixing up my smoothie routines, and adding different ingredients to them too! It’s also been really great to be a part of such a supportive community full of women who are all setting goals for themselves too. When I started getting better about my nutrition back in late November, I never thought I’d come so far in just a few months. It’s been a game changer as I get through each day with my kids too!

I know my patience has grown during all of this stay-at-home business. I’ve taken more time to read my bible (thanks to the amazing gals in my virtual bible study), and talking with God more. I’ve been challenged to complete new projects around our cabin when I can. I’ve also learned to give myself more grace, because I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Also huge shout out to our Disney Princess group chat and Zoom meetings for keeping me sane! I’ve also watched Carter and Payton’s relationship grow first hand. I know they are so young still, but their sibling bond is already growing, and I love watching Payton try to follow Carter around! Carter also gives her the best hugs. God gave us some gorgeous sunshine this past weekend so we could get a couple jetski rides in too. There is always a little sunshine around somewhere. You just need to find it, or be it!

Mamas. This is such an odd time with our little ones. I give each one of you so much respect! We are all handling this situation differently, but most importantly we are doing the best we can and that’s all that matters. It isn’t easy but we’re making it work somehow! Now let’s pray that Michigan warms up soon, so we can have more sunshine filled days at home. I’d love to hear how you are doing throughout all of this unknown and staying at home! Feel free to private message me, or comment on my blog below! We’re all in this together. Thanks again for reading and keeping up with the Next Play! Stay home and stay safe.

Lots of love and God Bless,

-Alyssa