Just this past week, we took some family maternity pictures with our awesome photographer Tiffany. She is an amazing photographer and has captured so many special moments for our family! Check out her website here!: Tiffany Eberline Photography. We were able to take our pictures right on our own beach, and I LOVE the way they turned out. I will share a few throughout this post! Carter and Jeff were matching, and I wore a dress I found online from “Pink Blush”. Side note: I think I have mentioned it before, but this is a super great website for maternity clothes! Pictures went really well, and Carter was such a little ham! It’s absolutely adorable watching him point to my pregnant belly saying “baby” and giving it kisses and hugs.
That night after we had our pictures, I had just put Carter to bed, and then I headed to bed too. I was smiling while laying there, thinking about our pictures and how much fun they were. Carter was just too cute, and behaved so well! I have wrote about it before, that this pregnancy has been a very emotional journey after having a miscarriage. But it has also been such a blessing. As I laid there, I realized something. These were our last family photos as a family of three. When we take our next family photos, we will be adding a little princess to our pictures! I totally got emotional, and wanted to start sobbing. I know I’m at the very end of my pregnancy, but the emotions are really starting to come out that a big change is coming to our family. I am SO excited, but also slightly freaking out to be honest.
There have been a select few times where I’d think something like, “How do I have enough room in my heart to love another baby as much as I love Carter?” But then I’d just reassure myself that it’s completely possible and I’d continue being excited for our family to grow. Recently though, I’ve had more worrisome thoughts about having another child the closer I get to our due date.
I worry that I won’t be able to give enough time into Carter and he will feel left out. I worry that I’ll never be caught up on housework or laundry, even though I am a stay-at-home-mom. I worry about my post-baby body and not having the time to work on getting back into shape with two children. I worry that I’ll never truly sleep again because I am worried about two children instead of one now. I even worry that I won’t have any time to make Jeff’s lunch before work in the morning once our baby girl gets here. It all sounds so silly! I know I can ask for help and there is nothing wrong with that. But these are the constant thoughts that go through my head.
I was in the car with Carter the other day, and I glanced back to see why he was so quiet and saw he was fast asleep. My eyes filled with tears as I stared at him while waiting at the stoplight. He was my first baby, and has taught me SO much. He’s also brought me an indescribable love that I didn’t even know existed. He has given me more confidence as a woman. He has also given me plenty of mommy meltdowns, but each one was completely worth it. How in the world can I possibly add this same amount of love into another child. I already feel like my heart is going to burst! I say a prayer that these wild thoughts will leave me alone, and that I can rely on God to give me that inner peace I need.
I do enjoy trying new things, but I also don’t always do very well with change. Through prayer I find myself adjusting to new situations and emotions all of the time, but this feels so much different. I think right now it’s the feeling that we have a routine, and we have it down really well. Carter is sleeping in his big boy bed, (most nights LOL), Jeff is doing great with our new business and heads to work each day, I’ve been keeping up with housework and the business bookkeeping, etc. But I have this fear of everything changing and starting back at square one to get comfortable again; this time with two kids. Everyone tells me things like, “Oh it’ll just come to you.” Thank you! But I’m also still freaking out on the inside.
I keep thinking about the moment I will have to head to the hospital for labor and delivery, and giving Carter that last hug as my only child. When I come home, I will have another baby to add to our family and I just hope and pray that he accepts it well and understands. I know he will be an amazing big brother. AHH! It’s still so crazy saying that he is going to be a big brother. Yes, I’ve known that for however many weeks but it still gives me all the feels. I know I am not the only mom who goes through this as they make this transition.
I sit and impatiently wait for our baby girl’s arrival, while also feeling super anxious. I feel like I need more time, or I should have done more with Carter, the thoughts are endless! But I am SO ready to meet our rainbow baby girl at the same time. I cannot wait to hear her first cry, and finally hold her in my arms. I know in God’s hands he will hold our family and all of our worries. He will guide us through every new moment we are about to experience, and he will give us the strength we need.
Janis Party of Four coming any day now! Stay tuned…
Lots of love and God Bless,