All I know is FOUR now..

“The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.” Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭11‬ 

Mom of four. All I know is four now! Four beating hearts, four different personalities, four styles of learning and teaching, four car/booster seats, four hugs at bedtime (sometimes more from a select little one😉), four outfits to pick out the night before, four to get out the door in the morning, four Christmas lists, four of everything and then some.

There are some super challenging days, where I’m fighting my own battles, and I lose sight of that patience and strength that I need in motherhood. But that just makes me rely on Him more too. Practicing what I’m teaching them, can have such an impact. I exclusively pump for our Ally bug. I recently have unfortunately had several clogged milk ducts. If you have experienced one before, you KNOW how painful they can be! And it seems like I’ll get rid of one and then a day later, another one comes again. It’s pretty frustrating. I have tried all of the things to help, but! They just can’t seem to stay away. I have been open about this with the kids so they know I’m not just a tad crabby for no reason lol. I obviously explained it in a more kid-friendly way, and it was enough for them to understand that “what mommy is going through is a little hard on her, but also that I’m going to keep praying and relying on Jesus.” 

Just to myself I have also been praying for my breastfeeding journey. Hitting these bumps in the road have had me questioning if I should keep going with it. All of my other three children I did a mix of formula, which is 100% fine! But for some reason I feel this sense of failure right now that if I don’t keep pumping for Ally, I’m giving up. This is strange to me because I did have these feelings with my other three when I switched it up to formula, but I feel like I didn’t take it as hard as I am thinking about it now. Maybe it’s because Ally is our last baby and part of me is like I’m never going to do this again, so I might as well keep trying? And also maybe this difficult journey is God telling me to ask Him for help and to rely on His guidance. I tend to overthink things and can be hard on myself. But I will say lately when I’ve gotten myself worked up about it I pause and pray. And this helps tremendously to at least calm my heart and recenter myself! The things I wish I could have told myself as a first time mom…

What’s been incredible through this though, is that the kids’ caring and praying hearts have shown up. Payton’s bedtime prayer request has been for me, the first thing Carter has been doing in the morning is giving me a gentle hug and asking if I got the “clog out.” And then there’s Levi, “Sorry that you got your milk plugged up.” And then I hear him playing with his cars saying that one of the cars is stuck in milk… the way his three year old mind works lol! But regardless, that’s four little extra hearts praying, and how awesome is that! We need our little disciples just as much as they need us! I pray that I teach them enough about God’s word and His great love, and that they will always pray and rely on him, in both the joyful and more challenging moments!

I knew one day I wanted to be a mother God-willing, and my goodness did he provide. It is exhausting lol. And my mind is constantly in motion about each one of those four! But it’s also with the deepest gratitude in my heart that I have this privilege. 

Lots of love & God Bless

-Alyssa