Right around this time each year, I always reminisce on those sweet moments with Carter, when I become a mom for the first time. I look at all of his pictures from the hospital, and coming home for the first time. The pictures that are time stamped at 2:48am from a sleepless night. The pictures of eating with one hand because little man just wanted to be held. But what I notice looking back is the pictures that I’m actually in (which aren’t that many) from those first 3-4 weeks, the emotions come back, and I remember how HARD it was. Healing for the first time, learning to breastfeed, not sleeping, body changes, and honestly overall trying to figure out what the heck I was doing. Now I’m not saying that I would ever change anything (other than maybe not being so hard on myself…) but in regards to the love that a mom gains when her baby is born, that is indescribable and a true gift from heaven.
As the weeks wind down with this pregnancy, I have reflected so much on all of my other pregnancies, deliveries, first few weeks with our new baby and more. But what has really stuck with me is how far I’ve come since we had our first baby, Carter. And sometimes I wish I could have been better for him, as low as that sounds to say about myself. But I am reminded even eight years later just how I am growing as much as he is! I always say that God knew what he was doing when he made Carter our first born!
I have more pictures of myself with Payton after she was born, mostly selfies! I knew what to expect at least a little, mainly when it came to my body changing. I can see in my eyes that I looked and felt a little more comfortable with the newborn phase. Now she also had some killer witching hours that were hard to forget.. but we got through them! I remember learning going from 1-2 was challenging. I was reminded that Carter’s feelings were stronger than newborn Payton’s and it was important to get him taken care of first most of the time. Now that changed when Payton became mobile, ha! If I’m being honest.. going from 2-3 kids was easier for me than 1-2. I think it was having more confidence and experience, but also just maturing in motherhood more by the time we had Levi too! Stay tuned on that 3-4…
When we had Levi, that was probably the first time I felt relaxed right after giving birth and completely confident from our first day with him. I know that feeling comes with experience, just like anything else you do for the first time, but there was such a calm in my heart about everything. When he wasn’t sleeping through the night, or when he was the first baby of ours that actually latched right away and breastfed so well, yet I hadn’t originally planned to exclusively breastfeed from prior experiences, I felt as ease! Everything felt right, and I felt so strong in what I was doing. A feeling that I wish I could have had when I became a mom for the first time. I definitely hope to feel that same confidence when our next baby makes his or her arrival!
So if you’re reading this as a first time mom, or even a mom with children that are grown, I want you to know that I see you. And all of those sappy posts that you come across on social media every now and then about mom life and the joy and hardships that it brings? Spot on. I could share about 75 of them that I have saved! But I do see you!! To the first time mom’s who feel like they’re in the trenches with this new life? I especially see you. I remember being in those very shoes and I promise you, you’re doing an amazing job. And you’re everything that your sweet baby needs. If nothing gets done other than holding your baby and feeding him or her? That’s enough! I know our house is going to be a disaster when our fourth little one makes their arrival… but what I also know is that as long as each of our kids feels safe, loved, and of course fed at the end of each day, that is what’s important. I’m getting more and more excited to meet our next little one, he or she will be here before we know it!
Lots of love & God Bless,
-Alyssa
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